Ah what the hell, Livejournal SUCKS.

You know I had forggotten about this place, until *ahem* recent events, and well, whats the point of letting a perfectly good blog go to waste?  I had moved over to LiveJournal, which is fine if the other people whose blogs you read are on LJ, but not so great if they are not.

So things have changed since I abandoned this journal.  My marriage came to an unfortunate end, but looking back through the old journal enteries to me it seems clear things were on the rocks a long time before it happened.  Things are about as ammicable as it can get with divorce, and those of you who have had dealings with Scott know from your own experience he is not a well chappie.

But you know what?  I’m happy.  Happier than I have been in, well,  a long time.  I have a wonderful partner, Graham, who I knew for 18 years before realising he was the right guy for me.  If he’d just told me he fancied me rotten at the age of 16!  We live on a goat farm a few miles from where we grew up, renting a cottage rather than working on it.  I’m a carer for my mum, and am hoping to start college soon.  Yeah, yeah, said that before, but things are really looking UP.

And friends!  I realised after thinking people only tollerated me because of Scott that my friends were just that, MY friends!  I have wonderful friends who accept me for who I am, and who are actually there for me.

I don’t play World of Warcraft as much as I used to, though I haven’t kicked the habbit completely.  But  I have other interests now.  Graham got me into collecting antiques.  I collect Carnival Glass, which I like because, well, its shiny, and you know how I am with shiny things.  That and the designs and colours are nice too.

Peacock and Urn by Northwood (Carnival Glass)

Of course Graham collects millitaria, which goes waaaay over my head, but I smile and nod whenever he talks about it and that seems to keep him happy.

Sadly, the hard copy of the  Doctor Who novel was lost in the break up, but maybe one day I will rewrite it.

Anyway, thats all for this entry.  Its good to be back!

…. And its Back Down I Go.

Well, after the up note I finished last year on, its all gone to hell in a hand basket.  I haven’t been able to go to work in weeks, and I am a total fucking mess.  All the confidence I have gained has gone out of the window.  And why?  Two words.  “I forgot”

As most of you know, Scott lost his job in january.  Bad, but no disaster right?  Ha ha ha…  Try getting him to do anything but sit in front of his damn PC all da, its damn near impossible unless I have a break down and end up a gibbering mess on the floor.  He hasn’t applied for a job in weeks, because (wait for it) “He Forgot”.  He hasn’t cleaned in weeks because… thats right, he forgot!  He hasn’t had a shower in weeks because… Guess the answer, win a prize!!!  If I hear “I forgot” one more time I am going to kill him.  Or myself.  Not sure which yet.

I can’t do this anymore.  Its like having a child, except children DO more.  I got him to hand an application form into McDonalds yesterday, but I had to assure him he wouldn’t have to work with public if he worked there, he could work in the kitchen.  But I ask him to look at the job center website and he panics and says he doesn’t know how.  How can he not know how!!!  He can do everything else on the net, why not search for a job.  And when I do finally get him there, or buy the Visitor or something, he ‘forgets’ to apply.  I have to do everything for him.  And if I lose my temper or yell at him thats me being unreasonable.

I’ve tried so hard, I just want to be happy and have a happy life.  I don’t want to be rich, I don’t want to be famous, I just want to have enough to live on, and even thats too much to ask.

Getting there.

Things still arn’t going too well.  Scott’s not found a job yet, and the stress is getting to me again.  Work have changed our shifts to 10 hours 4 days a week, which some may love, but I truly hate.  I leave for work at 9 am, then get back around 9pm,  it feels like all I do do is eat, sleep and work.  Sure, three days off a week is nice, but I’d be much much happier on normal shifts with only 2 days off.

Back on the happy pills for now, which are making me feel better up to a point but they are never something I like to rely on.  I am trying to keep positive… Its early days with Scott and he IS trying.  Plus it seems he does have grounds for claiming Disability Discrimination against his old employer, he had a good chat to some experts at the Citizens Advice place.  We arn’t bothered about a payout, but its about time they got whats coming to them.

 Anyway, got to log on to work.  More later.