…. And its Back Down I Go.
Well, after the up note I finished last year on, its all gone to hell in a hand basket. I haven’t been able to go to work in weeks, and I am a total fucking mess. All the confidence I have gained has gone out of the window. And why? Two words. “I forgot”
As most of you know, Scott lost his job in january. Bad, but no disaster right? Ha ha ha… Try getting him to do anything but sit in front of his damn PC all da, its damn near impossible unless I have a break down and end up a gibbering mess on the floor. He hasn’t applied for a job in weeks, because (wait for it) “He Forgot”. He hasn’t cleaned in weeks because… thats right, he forgot! He hasn’t had a shower in weeks because… Guess the answer, win a prize!!! If I hear “I forgot” one more time I am going to kill him. Or myself. Not sure which yet.
I can’t do this anymore. Its like having a child, except children DO more. I got him to hand an application form into McDonalds yesterday, but I had to assure him he wouldn’t have to work with public if he worked there, he could work in the kitchen. But I ask him to look at the job center website and he panics and says he doesn’t know how. How can he not know how!!! He can do everything else on the net, why not search for a job. And when I do finally get him there, or buy the Visitor or something, he ‘forgets’ to apply. I have to do everything for him. And if I lose my temper or yell at him thats me being unreasonable.
I’ve tried so hard, I just want to be happy and have a happy life. I don’t want to be rich, I don’t want to be famous, I just want to have enough to live on, and even thats too much to ask.
March 22, 2008 at 1:34 pm
Before I post my comment, I would like you to know that I somehow managed to stumble onto your web log by typing “a pill to make you numb” into a google search engine toolbar. Then I read your post with the quote from “Coma White”. Afterwards, I decided to take a gander at your latest post. I’m just an eighteen year old kid in the U.S. waiting to go to work at four p.m. There isn’t much of a reason as to why I’m telling you this, I guess I’m just tired as it is 7:25 a.m.
Anyways, this blog reminds me alot of my mom’s relationship with her ex boyfriend.
I don’t know anything about you, I didn’t read any of your other posts, just this and the one mentioned above.
But the reason I guess this reminds me of my mom’s relationship is that her boyfriend David was this alcoholic who got fired from a gay bar he worked at. He was really strange. He was quiet and shy. I don’t see what my mom saw in him. He drank too much and never went to work. Eventually him and my mom got some apartment and he had to get a job. But he would make my mom call in for him and then he would get fired. He would never apply anywhere and my mom had to persuade him to apply places and stay at jobs. Soon my mom got fed up with it finally and kicked him out.
I feel like I’m leaving something out. Oh well I’m sorry I don’t know why I’m posting this. Please feel free to take this comment however you want, but I mean nothing by it.
I think I’m going to go listen to some Nine Inch Nails now. Today at work is just gonna be horrible.
Well take care please.
-Mattttttttt
March 30, 2008 at 1:43 am
Oh Kitty!!! I have no advice to give, I wish I had a magic wand I could wave and make it all better but I don’t. I simply send HUGS hun and I’m sending a mental kick up the whatsits to Scott.
Please remember to take care of yourself Kitty. You know where I am. I hope you come to the Moot in April, I know it’s Show&Tell but you don’t have to, you can Watch&Listen instead if you want
April 21, 2008 at 8:10 pm
I really liked Matthew’s candour in that comment. Clever lad, too, judging from content and tone. I don’t understand why you weren’t able to go to work for weeks… The two words? Scott’s attitude has stopped you from living your life? If so, I don’t see how unless you let that happen. I’m speaking frankly, but Scott is only to blame for himself, for his own actions and thoughts; he can’t be blamed for how you respond, or what you do, because how you respond and what you do is down to yourself. Nobody else. What I mean is, people often say “he made me feel…” but how? How can a person make me or you feel bad, mad, sad, happy? The answer is, they don’t. We own our own feelings. So, if someone ‘makes you’ mad what you really mean is that you choose to feel mad. If a person tries to make you feel something, they can never do that unless you do it yourself, and even that isn’t giving them permission to do anything. You’re giving yourself permission.
If you’re not happy, I’m saying do something about it. By which I don’t just mean let off steam if the kettle is still going to left switched on and boiling… x
July 1, 2008 at 9:28 pm
well i said call or come over if it ever got 2 bad or just 4 some company, but let me guess , u fogot lol
u know where i am if u need us
xxxx