…. And its Back Down I Go.

Well, after the up note I finished last year on, its all gone to hell in a hand basket.  I haven’t been able to go to work in weeks, and I am a total fucking mess.  All the confidence I have gained has gone out of the window.  And why?  Two words.  “I forgot”

As most of you know, Scott lost his job in january.  Bad, but no disaster right?  Ha ha ha…  Try getting him to do anything but sit in front of his damn PC all da, its damn near impossible unless I have a break down and end up a gibbering mess on the floor.  He hasn’t applied for a job in weeks, because (wait for it) “He Forgot”.  He hasn’t cleaned in weeks because… thats right, he forgot!  He hasn’t had a shower in weeks because… Guess the answer, win a prize!!!  If I hear “I forgot” one more time I am going to kill him.  Or myself.  Not sure which yet.

I can’t do this anymore.  Its like having a child, except children DO more.  I got him to hand an application form into McDonalds yesterday, but I had to assure him he wouldn’t have to work with public if he worked there, he could work in the kitchen.  But I ask him to look at the job center website and he panics and says he doesn’t know how.  How can he not know how!!!  He can do everything else on the net, why not search for a job.  And when I do finally get him there, or buy the Visitor or something, he ‘forgets’ to apply.  I have to do everything for him.  And if I lose my temper or yell at him thats me being unreasonable.

I’ve tried so hard, I just want to be happy and have a happy life.  I don’t want to be rich, I don’t want to be famous, I just want to have enough to live on, and even thats too much to ask.

Getting there.

Things still arn’t going too well.  Scott’s not found a job yet, and the stress is getting to me again.  Work have changed our shifts to 10 hours 4 days a week, which some may love, but I truly hate.  I leave for work at 9 am, then get back around 9pm,  it feels like all I do do is eat, sleep and work.  Sure, three days off a week is nice, but I’d be much much happier on normal shifts with only 2 days off.

Back on the happy pills for now, which are making me feel better up to a point but they are never something I like to rely on.  I am trying to keep positive… Its early days with Scott and he IS trying.  Plus it seems he does have grounds for claiming Disability Discrimination against his old employer, he had a good chat to some experts at the Citizens Advice place.  We arn’t bothered about a payout, but its about time they got whats coming to them.

 Anyway, got to log on to work.  More later.

Not Such A Happy New Year.

Well, so far, 2008 has failed to be a very happy year.  On friday 11th, Scott lost his job, due to taking a day off in december.  Needless to say things haven’t been great at home for a few weeks, though we are both feeling a lot better than we did.  My job is still bringing in about enough to cover the bills, but JSA is a measley £40 a week or so, until Scott turns 25 in March, at which point if he is still claiming it will rise to a whopping £60 a month.  Oh wow!

 Never mind, Scotts busy looking for something new, and he isnt fussy.  Wish him luck!  Until then, he is a housewife.  He wasn’t ammused when I offered to buy him a frilly apron.